How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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