I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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