I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
