Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
God, I missed his penis.
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