i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
