I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
