I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
