flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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