I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
