she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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