is your mom at the bar?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
