Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
