My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
