there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
