once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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