Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
