He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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