It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
