it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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