the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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