Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize