Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
