so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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