I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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