i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
