walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
