I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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