you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
vagina is talking i cant
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
