We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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