Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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