so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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