Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize