Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
