so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
