nut hugger
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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