youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
