i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
