The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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