You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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