New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
