sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
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