omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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