i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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