He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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