How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
MIDGETS
????
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
