so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
