is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This baby is an asshole
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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