i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
