dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
