okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
