Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
