Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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