Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
