I accidentally burped into my bong.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
