It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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