can we get nightvision for the apartment?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize