I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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