Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
