If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
