i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
