i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
