Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
