I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
