I just made out with a guy for $7.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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