it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
