I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
