Where are you?
In a non slutty way
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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